i need my own planet with no creatures speaking the same language as i do

The lecturer of my 8 a.m. class didn’t show up this morning while my next class will be on 3 p.m., so here I am showering my morning with awful swears and curses. Ahh. Isn’t it one loveliest way to start a morning?

I can’t believe the list of the .doc documents I opened recently.

now i lost my train of thoughts

Have I made any promises that I can’t keep? I didn’t mean to push you pushing your feelings away, if there’s still any. I don’t know how you’ll manage to keep your head up, but I know you will. In time, you will.

”I don’t ever seem to get tired of you…”

Maybe you have, in some ways, changed a little part of me. And I’m thankful for that. And this might sound like a lie, but I do, I still do…

Loving the time I can see your face closely… just to recall the memories that I have put it a closed-tight treasure box.

”Fantasies, they don’t really exist…”

This is just as hard for me as it is for you. I just keep denying it to keep our bests close because I’m—clearly—not the best for you.

Thank you, Vincent Vega.

- synta @ 2008-10-23 / 10:04 a.m.

for some of you who care too much

Here's my explanation for everything.

- synta @ 2008-10-11 / 11:31 p.m.

tagged

I got tagged by Kak Yayi, so I’ll just do it.

I take it I should be writing things about me, shouldn’t I? Correct me if I’m wrong, so I’d be able to write a correct one. It’s not like I have something more important to do, anyway.

1. Let me start by talking about my name. My full name is Dyah Shinta Dwitya. My mother gave me the name. She was so obsessed by the “Rama-Shinta” tale that she hoped one day I would become as graceful and loyal to my spouse—just as how Shinta is in that tale. So, she made the decision that I should be named Shinta but she resisted to put it as the first word in my full name because then I would be listed somewhere in the middle-last in every alphabetical list of names. So then she added the word Dyah which means: princess. And Dwitya means: the second. So by words, I am clearly a girl and also a second born, and by whole, my name means: ‘the second princess Shinta’. And I still think that’s one genius work my mom had made for me. :-)
   
2. I have issues about boredom. When I was little, my mom had to ask me what to cook for my next day’s breakfast and lunchbox every-single-night. I usually said, ‘Oh, just the usual, Mom. The one you made me this morning,’ without realizing that I was already bored of the menu. My way to express this boredom was to throw away my breakfast and my lunch somewhere (I thought) hidden, e.g. inside an unused bag, inside my mom’s collection of large potteries, etc. So, it took a lot of efforts for my mom to know whether I was still in the mood for a menu or not. Anyway, she usually found my ‘secret garbage’ because weeks after, there would be hundreds of ants and fungus living around them.
   
3. I love reading but I haven’t got enough motivation to finish any books, especially when I’m not in holidays. I love watching how people try to visualize things through words. I also love private writings, like journals, letters, etc. So, I basically do blogwalkings not to be friends with other bloggers as my main intention, but just to satisfy my thirst of good readings. I only leave footprints like comments or shouts/tags on their boards if I know the blogger in real life or he/she seriously has good postings. But for one particular blogger who I adore too deeply, I chose to stalk. I have been stalking her for three years now, because I still got no guts to say hi. Huh-huh.
   
4. I don’t watch TV series because I don’t want to let myself got drowned into it, especially those doramas and Koreans. I think they really got this magic which could force anyone to sit down and get drowned. Meteor Garden, Endless Love, and Full House did that thing to me. It took me only one quick look to get myself watching every episodes of it religiously. This is one thing I avoid; because once I start, I will not be able to quit until it ends itself. Sucks, doesn’t it?
   
5. My dream job when I was little was to bea teacher. But then I realized that it was an unrealistic job for me since I don’t have such patience when it comes to dealing with other people.
   
6. I love George Benson’s “Nothing’s Gonna Change My Love for You” and I would definitely sing to other 80’s ballads. I guess those are the songs my mother made me listen to since I could listen to anything. ~I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you, I know you were right believing for so long..~ Well, I guess everybody has their soft sides. :-D
   
7. Of course I was a victim of boybands era! I had my own favorites for nearly each boybands! I love Clint Moffatt of the Moffatts, AJ of Backstreet Boys, JC of N’Sync, Phil of Code Red, James of Ultra, Ronan of Boyzone, Ritchie of 5ive, Nicky of Westlife,…
   
8. I don’t read Harry Potter because I think it’s mainstream. I don’t write in Blogger.com because I think it’s mainstream. I don’t do candy-colored jeans because it’s mainstream and trashy. I stopped buying Gogirl because it started becoming mainstream. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I guess I’m just taking my steps to get myself alienated or building my own country. Hahaha.
   
9. I experienced a traumatic airplane landing during my flight home from the family’s 2006 Umroh trip and truly hate flying ever since. Ironically, the fact that my family members have never been completely living in the same city since I was in 8^th grade, I am regularly forced to fight this fear of flying. Luckily, I have watched the latest Superman movie, so I just have to bear in mind what Superman said there: it is still the safest way to travel. Ewh.
   
10. My deepest passion is to become a dancer in the future. Hahaha. I seriously do. I love dancing. :-) My other options for sidejobs are: a band member (haha!) and a writer. Of course my main job would be something related with my education. :-)

I won’t tag anyone, because the only person I want to tag doesn’t have a web journal. Haha.

- synta @ 2008-10-08 / 3:14 p.m.

this keeps repeating, it makes me feel like living in bubble

It is weird. For the more I realize how much I am into this, the more I decided to let it slips out of my hand. The more I see the beauty, the more I resist. The more it indulges me, the more I force myself to quit. The more it approaches, the more I take steps back.

I have made decisions I regret; too much of them, in fact. So much that I thought I could never bear the feeling of regretting things anymore—because, of course I could never stop deciding. Life is all about making decision and I am fully aware of that. I don’t want to be indecisive.

I hate indecisive people.

I will decide. I will. But I have no idea when I will have that decision ready. Is this OK? Is postponing a decision better than not deciding anything at all?

Don’t make that decision for me yet. I’m still sure I will. In time, I will.

- synta @ 2008-10-08 / 1:19 a.m.

another "me being me"?

It’s not that I hate you, my friend. It’s just that your ways of socializing had crossed my beginning paths, and you don’t even seem to care even a tiny bit. I have never hated any of my friends, my friend, but, I’m telling you, “nobody stands in my way, bitch”, my friend. If you really are a friend, my friend, you’ll step aside.

This is me being arrogant.

- synta @ 2008-10-04 / 10:25 p.m.

i do have a social life. it's on facebook

I really really really thought I’ve seen it all before, so I thought I would be perfectly fine. W R O N G.

But I won’t do the mistake. I mean it.

On the other hand, I guess someone decided to stop. Oh God. I don’t even know how I feel about that. Clearly this isn’t something I wished to happen yet. But now that it’s done…. Oh well, I’ve always been aware of this kind of thing, and it’s not like I care, anyway.

I know, I know. I should be writing this on somewhere private because it’s not like anyone would understand, anyway. Ah, nobody’s taking this seriously, anyway. So, I’ll just keep doing this in my way. Hahaha.

This boredom has got into the roots of my nerves, so pardon me.

- synta @ 2008-10-04 / 10:09 p.m.

jobless madness

So yeah, after something-teen years of knowing the net, tonight might be the first time I decided to put this thing as a source for answers and knowledge rather than just a way of having my fun. Pathetic, I know, yet very refreshing and motivating at the same time.

So DeviantART failed to bring me that, how would DesignBoom react to that? :-D

- synta @ 2008-10-02 / 11:36 p.m.

happy birthday, afterall

Holy freakin' shit I fuckin' forgot to celebrate this journal's third birthday.

- synta @ 2008-10-01 / 12:26 a.m.

i know i'm not alright

Despite of all the flaws, I chose you. Not because with you I felt the thing I had never felt before, but because I knew what exactly I would feel for you. Because I was already tired of surprises, because I was in the phase of taking precautions of everything I would get myself into. It was a mindful choice, not something I could not describe, not something I decided for a butterfly-in-my-stomach.

Now I know why they say guilty feeling is the feeling that sucks us dry the most.

Anyway, I had taken such a long break from consuming coffee and this evening I decided to take a cup. That is my reason for being here in the middle of the night, writing a post that would have to be put in a new page while within few hours, I would have to be on my feet again, doing Eid.

Let me describe 'Eid'. My Eid. My Bontang Eid.

First of all, my mom would wake me up at around 5-5:30 a.m. so we would not miss the strategic spot on the soccer field which would be the place for us to do our Eid prayer.

The mass-prayer would be ended at around 7-8 a.m. and then my family and I would go back to our house for a little rest. Afterwards, ocean of people would sink us in endless wave until night ended it all. This session will repeat on the second day.

My mom said it would not be as bad as how I pictured it. She said it would be much more quiet with less people. Which would be both nice and worse in the same time for reasons I'm too lazy to share here.

My conference chat with Dito and Dara had turned boring. I guess I'm just gonna hit the bed for now.

- synta @ 2008-10-01 / 12:11 a.m.