but this time it's different, i don't even feel the distance
I just opened Ncil's blogspot then I found that she had tagged me.. on Oct 19. Harharhar.. Forgive me, na, I rarely open that spot of yours. ;-) You know where I use to run to when I'm curious about what's new on your life, aight?
seven things that scares me1. asian horrors' ghosts (and the movies, too)
2. weird sounds coming from inside the wardrobe
3. stairs (too much Ju-On, that is)
4. medical injection :-(
5. night electricity's shut down :-(, well, darkness in general
6. people with mental disorders (no offense, but they do frighten me)
7. schools at night
seven random songs at the moment
1. Kahitna's 'Soulmate'
2. Eric Benet's 'Spend My Life With You'
3. Jojo's 'Too Little, Too Late'
4. Babyface's 'Reason for Breathing'
5. Nidji's 'Sudah' *I know, say it, 'eew'*
6. Warna's 'Dalam Hati Saja'
7. Damien Rice's 'Blower's Daughter'
*I really am on some saddest point*
seven things that i like the most
1. coffee and honey
2. blue 'Take It' ;-p
3. my bedroom here, in Jakarta
4. asian authors' novels
5. being around some close friends
6. teen vogue
7. writing my journals
seven important things in my bedroom
1. my pc
2. my bed
3. the cd collections
4. aircons
5. the carpet
6. my body lotion + cream + moisturizers
7. dodong + raka + vnta ;-)
seven random facts about me
1. I have stopped gaining height since fifth grade
2. I can't really draw
3. I'm engaged to laziness
4. I've been obsessed with France since I was there for the first time on my second grade's holidays
5. I've killed two blogspots and one deviantart :-D
6. I'm looking forward to be as skinny as I can
7. I've lost two MP3 players. Zen Touch and some Sony Walkman (I lost it before I had the opportunity to remember the series)
seven things I said the most
1. "yaudasi"
2. "hah..?"
3. "anjing!" / "anjis" / "anjrit"
4. "tai!"
5. "yaiyalahyaa.."
6. "hehe.."
7. "dit.. dit.. didiiiit!!"
seven things that attract me to the opposite sex:
1. nice sense of humor, but not too much
2. beautiful eyes :-p
3. brains that actually work > for sure!
4. his original points of viewing me
5. well, I give some extra points to those with crewcutted heads. :-D
6. some romantic habits could do it, too
7. for my current bf : I adore his way on protecting me.
seven celeb crushes (whether foreign or local):
1. main character on Crank, also seen on Revolver.
2. jonathan rhys-meyers > aye aye! sluuuurp!!!!!
3. Clinton Thomas John.. MOFFATT. :-D But he HAS to gain some more weight and muscles!
4. Julian McMahon. Nyuuuummmmmssss!
5. johnny depp > kyaaaa!!!
6. Christian Sugiono. :-D
7. Adam Brooody x)
seven things i plan to do before i die
1. tobat
2. live abroad
3. happily married, ONCE
4. be a good mother
5. get personally involved in some researches about Kalimantan's heritage
6. design at least one legendary thing
7. own a house, I guess.
Okay, seven more people!
1. Deeta
2. Diani
3. Rima
4. Kak Ayu
5. Nyta
6. Dispret
7. Cobul
- synta @ 2006-10-30 / 10:05 a.m.
you made it felt real, while it never is
I'm currently addicted in predicating myself as 'st*r'. I renamed the whole profiles in my cellphone and sketched the word over and over again, I even willing to write it on my forehead. 'st*r'. :-p
The reason? It might be for getting head over heels over Portishead's 'Wandering Star'. I even typed 'wandering st*r' on my friendster's occupation's field. I'm a st*r. :-)
Some things I really gotta do:
> get more intimate with the forgotten sketchbook
> start doing holidays' assignments
:-(
Anyway,
I went to Ambassador Mall today with the rest of the family. My father wanted to buy a leather case for his cell and my brother needed to repair his broken MP3 player. I wore black, whole black. Black extra sized shirts on a black legging, symbolizing me on mourning time. And I believe I made the ':-(' face all the time there.
I bought a book titled 'The Icarus Girl', the translated one. I'm kinda getting sick of leaving my English novels read unfinished. I feel guilty over them. :-( Anyway, the book's synopsis on the backside's cover was a bit interesting for me. It was dark. I believe the story tells about some troubled little girl named Jess. As I was feeling overwhelmingly troubled, I chose that book instead of Paulo Coelho's 'The Alchemist' - such a subjective point of view.
And I was reading the first pages when I realized that a tear rolled down on my cheek.
Because I was reading a novel but had my imagination running wild over my own trouble.
I couldn't read a word. I stared at words but I couldn't grab the meaning, while it was all written in Indonesian. Those alphabets were just scrolled over my sight, meaningless.
I'm so troubled.
So goddarn troubled.
And the body's fat is getting on some serious zone. Wheew. :-( I need a personal trainer's extra treatment here. Mayday, mayday.
- synta @ 2006-10-29 / 8:23 p.m.
you should be much closer, more reachable, but you're pretty much gone. where are you? i need you
So, today went grrrrrrreat. Magically great.
I went to Plangi with my brother - planned since yesterday night - watching Crank. Cool movie, loooove it. And that was just a beginning of so much more fun.
When I was in Gramedia searching for some new pencils that my friend said were really comfortable for drawing, Iwan said that he was already in the town while I thought he was still in Bandung, on the way back from his hometown. He said he was having meals with his family and relatives in some restaurant and he wanted to meet me. I thought that was just some sayings and the meeting wouldn't be held today, until when my brother was heading our ride to the exit gate, he called me and said that he was on his way to Plangi.
I was like, jumped from my seat and begging my brother to drop me off at the Plangi's lobby instead of taking me home.
And he did. So I could finally meet Iwan! Yeaaaaay!
And of course, Iwan equals 'special curhat session'! Hoho.
Speaking of sharing,
I think my patience's being put to the test again. Ever experience being a watcher and a victim at the same time? Well, I'm on it. Uhm, well not quite on the exact same time, but I sort of watching something going on, which I know exactly that I'd be crowned as a victim in the end - should you get what I mean.
And what's a watcher able to do?
How's a watcher should act?
Watch.
That's why I'm fucked.
Oh, back to the first topic, Crank's cool movie.
- synta @ 2006-10-27 / 10:09 p.m.
sofuckintired
Tears, tears, tears.
You're sinking me down, fool! Stop spreading like hell's fire!!
- synta @ 2006-10-26 / 11:28 a.m.
GUE CAPEK!! KALO DENGER LAGU EMO GUE BISA BUNUH DIRI!!!
I cried this morning. It was the first thing I did when I opened my eyes.
I dreamed of him last night.
I remembered him this morning.
Both hurt deep.
Yes, I cried - and I think I still do now - only this time, no tears. My heart does, not my eyes.
When will I allowed to be happy?
And please, let me cry. :-'(
- synta @ 2006-10-26 / 10:26 a.m.
too much eric benet's brought me this frown
1.Are u always serious when it comes to
relationships? * pathetically.. yes. :-(2. Are you afraid of commitment? * nop.
3. Are u a risk taker? * sort of?
4. Wat can u say abt. long distance relationships?
* it doesn't work. at least for me.
5. Can u luv a person that doesnt love u? * nop.
everyone i loved always ended up loving me in
return. :-D
6. Do actions speak louder than words? * oh yes of
course.
7. Have u felt/found true love? * guess so.
8. How can u say that a person luvs you? * no
idea.
9. Are you good in handling relationships? * no.
10. Willing to give everything? * for the one
who'd last forever, yes.
11. Best thing u've learned from loving? *
relationships are so sands in hands-alike.
12. Do u demand ur luv1 to change into someone
else? * no.
13. Would u let go of some1 u love? * i.. did.
:-'(
14. Are u a one woman man & vice versa type of
person? * yes. i loathe cheating.
15. How do u express ur luv to sm1? * ...ask him.
:-(
16. What is the major reason of a break up? *
tired of adapting to each other? :-( oh fux
17. Most important ingredient/s in a relationship?
* commitment
18. Ever regret loving someone? * i don't regret
the loving part, but the timing. it just couldn't
seem right in any ways.
19. One thing u hate about love? * there must be
tears. :-(
20. One thing u like about love? * it give some
certain boost to some certain hormones, they said.
:-D
21. Worst thing u did to a loved one? * i let him
go? :-(
22. Are you a hopeless romantic? * so not.
23. Do you get tired of loving ? * once.
24. Who has changed your view about loving? *
someone who had been true to me. :-(
- synta @ 2006-10-25 / 9:31 a.m.
can we run to these open arms when noone else understands?
I know, I've been leaving this city for about 3 months. But is that a realistic reason for this city to turn itself into a total dehydrating bitch? God, I can't stop sweating ever since the first second I got out of the car, which drove me to here from Bandung. Jakarta really sucked me dry I gotta drink like more than two liters water a day.
Daaarn, I always hate this city! Uhm well, for a very personal reason and.. well, this killing weather.
Anyway,
Happy Eid! :-)
Actually, I celebrated it yesterday while the governance decided it should be today. As some recent years, I received some of the 'formality txts' but I only sent txts to those with XL numbers since they cost Rp 0,00/sms. Nyahahah. Well, those are only formality for me, though. What's essential is that I've truly forgiven them all with hope that people do the same thing for me, too, so that we'd all able to be purified from every sins we've done - with or with no intention.
And the ex replied to my 'formality txt' by giving me a long distance call. :-) thx. At least I could know now that we hate each other for no more reasons.
And I've been constantly repeating Eric Benet's Spend My Life With You since I dropped my first sweat in Jakarta. The song's magically wonderful I kept dreaming of someone singing it for me someday. I mean, who wouldn't fall for those undeniably sweet words sung in enchanting tunes? Well, unless they're ones who decided to be as skeptical as I was few months ago, or as realistic as those too well educated professors.
But yeah, I cannot deny that the song's somewhat.. cheesy. But ah, I don't care. Cheesy's the new romance. :-D
Holiday’s assignments? :-(
- synta @ 2006-10-24 / 6:09 p.m.
doubled up inside
Fighting against thousands of people are NOTHING compared to this battle against my self-set laziness.
That's for sure one thing I get to repair as soon as the classes started.
Oh, what a big resolution.
Anyway, people are going home to their hometowns.
I'm missing Bontang.
I'm too lazy to start packing my bags to go back to Jakarta.
Boyfriend left Bandung this morning.
I have no appetite in celebrating Eid.
I'm still on my second period for the month.
I can't stop listening to Portishead's 'Dummy'. The whole album.
I can't believe I have to go back to Jakarta. That darn city of sin.. and ex.
- synta @ 2006-10-20 / 2:15 p.m.
i'll give you my soul for you to love, too
One of those interesting facts about me is that I have stopped gaining height since I was in the fifth grade. Yes, I was a 160s cm elementary school's student. Unfortunately, the shocking shut down of the height's growing system wasn't only happening to the physical appearance (excluding the thighs' size). Uhm, yes, I think something inside this heart and head has also stopped themselves from going anywhere near ripeness.
So, now I am more or less an 18 years old collegian with an 11 years old's level of maturity.
Oh, fuck.
So, another victimized person I've made surprised-to-death today was my dearie uncle (yes, I do have an 18 years old uncle), Indra. We were having a chat while walking from the south to the north part of ITB when I popped a whine which sounded : 'Huuh, apa gunanya punya pacar sih kalo ke mana-mana sama elo juga?!' He was surprised to hear it and surely asked me who I'm currently dating. After few annoying laughs and grins, I said the name and he reacted as if I was dating the most famous gigolo in town.
xD
And that is absolutely why I chose to keep being silent about it. Huh-huh. Because the fact that this boyfriend was an inseparable best friend of my latest ex when they were in twelfth grade always make people act.. I don't know, overjoyed? Over-interested? Over-amazed? And then they would follow the jaw-dropping section by asking me the oh-so-predictable question: 'How-fucking-coome?? Tell me the WHOLE story, quick!!'
And that is SO tiring and exhausting. Can you imagine how I should tell a story (without skipping any details) in a quick?
Anyway, I need a bluetooth driver. Desperately.
- synta @ 2006-10-19 / 8:05 p.m.
but making people scared won't get you very far
Realizing something I did have successfully made someone dropped to the bottom of his mood somehow.. excites me, even just a little. xD Yes baby, I'm that bloody coldhearted byatch.
Though some parts of it may also killing me deep inside, all I gotta do is turn my head to another side so I can feel happier, a lot happier.
I don't need another crash just to show me how my world was blinded from what's right and wrong.
Okay,
So we've been preparing the weekend for a movie. It was when I went to BIP on Wednesday watching the supersilly My Super Ex Girlfriend that he got jealous and said that he wished I chose to go out watching movie with him on weekend instead. Hey, it's not like I'm the type of person who refuse watching two movies in a week! x) Especially when it comes on Ramadhan when I am able to save more because of the loose budget on lunch. x)
And..
Some people were forced to be on a high level of curiosity for dying to know whom I'm stated to be 'in a relationship' with. Somehow, I prefer to keep it that way and let the almighty hands of time reveal the secret. But it turned out that I've been extremely too famous that it's hard to keep any more secrets hidden from my high school's mates. xD
Hey, I lost another bracket from the lovely greenypink braces when I had dinner! x(
Oh well..
Can you feel the different ambiance surrounding this post? x)
- synta @ 2006-10-14 / 1:01 a.m.
am i not the one for you?
Bandung turned me into something else even myself don't dare to name.
My arms' skin tone can clearly be described in two levels. Yes, nearly 'belang' - one level for the part below the elbows and another for the upper part.
My face's skin tone getting darker.. like one and a half or two tones darker than one I used to have. 'dekil'.
My tummy's size is getting unexplainably.. disproportional. Eew. 'buncit'.
So now I'm officially 'belang, dekil, dan buncit'. EEW. Seemed helpless, ain't I? x(
So, tomorrow would be the 3rd day to be spent doing the goddarn midterm exam. It's going to be the hella Constructive Drawing (whaddahell, 'ganstruk', in more familiar phrase) which needs more concentration and such. One very tiring subject since there should be no dirts in any form (like pencil or eraser's marks) left on the paper's surface, but also the most 'refreshing' subject for the eyes. Oh, c'mon, who on earth wouldn't fall for those handsome and dreamily kindhearted lecturer's assistants? ;p
*Yeah, and right after I finished typing the sentence above, boyfriend texted. What a slap in the face. xD *
OOh, for no explainable reasons, my life feels a lot lighter today despite the fact that I've done two midterms terribly. Well, the most logical reason is that I finally feel so depressed that I don't have any passion to feel distracted anymore, so I decided to grin all day long - desperately, for sure. xD But whaddahell. What's done is done, tomorrow's another day. Ho-ho!
I kinda started to think that I miss the oh-so-sux city, Jakarta - again, for no explainable reasons. Anybody care to let me know when's JGTC gonna be held? Wincil?
Oh, my TOEFL's score's 560.
Don't know why I put it here, though.
- synta @ 2006-10-10 / 10:49 p.m.
honesty kills
I used to say 'you give me less satisfaction'
Now I start to ask myself
'Have I given enough?'
Someone trusts me and that makes me feel like I'm the worst creature ever made.
I've disappointed someone else
Would I disappoint another?
Would I dare to make myself feel the guilt.. again?
Would I be able to deal with another buckets of tears.. again?
- synta @ 2006-10-08 / 10:19 p.m.
give me a reason to love you
Oh this feels so much relieving.
Hahaha, internet at home! At laast! xD
Anyway, I signed in to the oh-so-phenomenal site today without any idea of what surprise was waiting. She viewed my profile. The one I discreetly slaughtered few times ago.
Oh-ho-ho.
Nevermind, not a big problem anymore.
Now that I have the power to be online back, I'd like to say that it actually scares me. Let's see, when a person like me have a total control over the internet by the absolutely personal computer in her private bedroom, what do you think would possibly happen?
Yes, I'd go online for a straight 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 30 (or 29, or 31, whatever) days a month.
And that means no more minutes left for me to do any college assignments. Hoho. I wish life could really be that easy but it turned out to be too dreamy and unrealistic. Of course, you fool dumbass.
Speaking of my college,
I think I just did a criminal thing this morning at a class I'd prefer not to mention. It was actually a 'usual' thing to do among collegians, but for this morning, it was a total crappy exception. The 'titip absen' thing had degraded my confidence until now. I should've disagreed when Jodi asked me to do him a favor. God, I fully regret what I just did - and didn't do - this morning.
...
Okay, confession accomplished.
So, can anyone tell me what the hell happened to Limewire's installer I just downloaded few hours ago?
- synta @ 2006-10-06 / 7:40 p.m.
it wasn't his fault or my fault entirely
I'm running away from those papers...
Literaturally papers, not ones they done in the end of the study.
Oh-hoh. Escaping myself feels soo fun fun fun. Aye aye!
Then,
People, please spot a change I made to the sidebar. xD That's one very predictable change I made there.. relating to the last post I made here. =D
So, life lately? It's soo roller coaster-like. Fun to ride but in some points could make my heart beats unstoppably fast. Interesting but trembling at the same time. Unlike the change I made to the sidebar, the surprises my life had brought in few 'tommorows' recently almost had made the spoon I use when I had my sahur choked.
I mean, how many times do you wake up in the morning and then found someone popping you the question they know they should never asked and then after apologizing for asking it, they disappeared, letting their position replaced by someone else by the magic of graffiti?
I've been living this life for over 18 years and that only happened to me once.
And I sort of thanking God for letting it happened - even just for once in 18 years, or maybe in a lifetime.
=)
Thanks, you-know-who-you-are.
Aye aye - mulai menjijikkan.. xD
- synta @ 2006-10-06 / 2:53 p.m.
