damn my education, i can't find a word to say

So, yesterday I’d been at Apres! practically all day long. And I didn’t attend a show presented, managed, held, and directed by almost all of the TPB SR 2006. I feel my remorse now, though, but then again, what could I do to prevent myself from abandoning it? Well, I’d like to say I really didn’t mean to abandon it, but that’d just sound like justification, and I hate justifications. So, I think I’ll just stop typing more of this.

And I finally able to say out loud one thing that I’m in a desperate need and want at the same time. Hooow lovveeeely! It’s been centuries of longing for this thing to finally come up. It wasn’t easy to find something clearly classified under the list of ‘want’ and ‘need’, should you understand. I usually found my ‘want’ list grew way much less spacious than the ‘need’ list, which means I am so damn human in average. Not that I hate it, though.

I got this playlist fully loaded by various versions of ”My Cherie Amour” which turned out to be my iPod’s current treasures. And not to mention the whole ”Emiliana Torrini”s. :-)

Fuckin sweeeeeeet!

- synta @ 2007-01-27 / 10:30 a.m.

magically over-motivated

A highschool senior nudged me on MSN some minutes ago and left me a message :

”lo online seharian yah siin?”

Which means – I assume – “Oh, for crying out loud, get a life, frick!”

I just watched “Singles” on HBO for the third time. Unlike the former two, this time I watched the beginning of it and that wasn’t something lousy. It even made me fall for the movie even more and more. Early ‘90s’ movies never been that enjoyable.

My stomach growls and my eyes are heavy. Time to have a rest.

- synta @ 2007-01-24 / 12:56 a.m.

never ending impersonation

Notice anything new – except the mount of fat I'm carrying everywhere now?

Today’s my best friend Iwan’s birthday. Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you!

Have I mentioned that my cell phone is being a total junk? Well, it is. Now I can’t read or reply any text messages without restarting it first. I’ve tried anything anyone had suggested – erasing old messages, mostly – but it kept on doing the thing. This cell phone has been accompanying me for years, since I was on first grade in highschool. Though I’d tried to cheat on it several times by using other cells, few weeks ago I finally realized that it might be the perfect fit for me. Until now it’s in deadly need for a retirement.

Anyway, I’ll be waiting to hear from you about this piece of new shit I’ve been working hard on. Something good, I’m mostly hoping for, but anything honest wouldn’t be rejected, actually.

I’m writing this while sipping my cup of Nescafe Classic. Lovely, I should say. :-)

...
Okay, I'm officially addicted. Who cares? Who the crappy hell cares?

- synta @ 2007-01-23 / 7:39 p.m.

in my platforms i hit the floor

Yesterday, yesterday.

Went to apres! at 3 p.m. for a meeting with Vincent Vega, returned some mangas I rented at Zoe en route, watching The Dresden Dolls on DVD, bitching over the vocalist’s over-hairy armpit and boyish figure, headed back to home at around 5 p.m., took off to Potluck to watch SundayJazz (?), had dinner in DU21 (the banana coffee I ordered was fabulous), back to Potluck and stayed until 11-ish p.m., then home again.

And the most important part of yesterday was..
I finally caught the re-reading of Urasawa Naoki’s “Monster” up until the end.

God, I’m so stuffed with the whole remarkable plot.

Yesterday’s level of caffeine interfered: 1 Nescafe Classic in the morning, another 1 in the evening, and the banana coffee.

- synta @ 2007-01-22 / 8:35 a.m.

you will never know

I finally got the answer.

You Are Most Like Carrie!

You're quirky, flirty, and every guy's perfect first date. But can the guy in question live up to your romantic ideal? It's tough for you to find the right match - you're more than a little picky. Never fear... You've got a great group of friends and a great closet of clothes, no matter what! Romantic prediction: You'll fall for someone this year... Totally different from any guy you've dated.

You scored 40% Carrie
Your answers peg you as a Carrie-type, much influenced by the Air Sign qualities associated with Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Like confident Carrie, a sex columnist, you're curious and perceptive, always seeking answers and never satisfied with the superficial. An Air Sign influence can lead to indecision and an avoidance of tough issues, like with Carrie and her on-again, off-again attachment to Mr. Big. Forward-thinking, incredibly intelligent and witty, you just exude quirky charm. You'd be utterly bored by someone who's just a pretty face or hot body -- though you don't mind looking and flirting! You're more turned on by an equally smart and funny mate, someone who challenges your mind and makes you laugh. You love to talk, so you need a good listener who's open to playful and eccentric ideas about love and lovemaking.
You scored 20% Miranda
You chose many of the same answers that Earth Sign-like Miranda, the cynical but pragmatic lawyer, might have chosen. Just like Miranda's had a tough time deciding whether to give in to the affections of Steve the Bartender, you don't give your heart up to just anyone. Miranda shies away from a relationship with Steve because he's 'just' a bartender, not something more conventionally ambitious or stable. Those with powerful Earth Sign qualities -- characteristics associated with Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn -- are cautious in love and seek stability and status over nearly anything else. Earth Signs provide a steady, realistic attitude and they can bring order out of chaos. A little-known Earth Sign fact: Incredibly sensual, you seethe beneath that smart, expensive business suit of yours, yearning for intimacy but hesitant to give up your material needs, your career ambitions or your responsibilities for a passionate moment that might not turn out the way you'd hope.
You scored 20% Samantha
You identify with Samantha's bold and liberated Fire Sign qualities, characteristics associated with the Signs of Aries, Leo and Sagittarius. You're strong, audacious and larger than life -- and you take what you want! Sometimes you can even be thoughtless and selfish, as you get so caught up in craving immediate gratification and excitement that you overlook someone's feelings. Your personal style likely reflects your desires: sleek, low-cut, revealing just a bit more than might be considered acceptable. Watch that you're not coming on too strong, though. You could scare potential suitors off with all your drama. If you seek so much attention, the more basic qualities of the Fire Signs could be burned right out of the picture. Show less skin or cleavage and more of your creativity, your vibrant leadership skills and courageous generosity!
You scored 20% Charlotte
A romantic at heart, you chose the answers that demure Charlotte may have chosen. Strongly influenced by the intuitive, profound and sometimes naïve Water Signs -- Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces -- you're like a mother, a mystery and a poet all in one. Though on the surface you may seem innocent and all about seeking the good in people, beneath the surface, you hide secret yearnings for intimacy, for attachment and ideal love. You're seeking a knight in shining armor, a soul mate, someone who will complete you and tether you to the earth when you get carried away with your fantasies. You're super-sensitive, soaking up the moods of others; you emote freely, crying at commercials and sappy movies. You also provide a shoulder to cry on and open arms for hugs. Be careful that you're not so wide-eyed and trusting that you get taken in by some cunning wolf in sheep's clothing.

It took me millions of stiff heartbeat to make myself sure to see the answer. Gosh, I was so afraid I’d be stated as Samantha. I was terrified.

- synta @ 2007-01-18 / 10:09 a.m.

i'm out

My brother broke up two days ago. Apparently, it caused him some brain-damage which has brought him to a never-ending criticize over my physical appearance. Now I’m most probably going to slit his throat if he ever mention any more verbs related to my face of body shape – or even the size of my middle finger - again, I swear.

He’d better find something to get busy with.

- synta @ 2007-01-17 / 9:14 a.m.

no such things

I think every living thing around me is starting to move out of my sight. Not that I feel sentimental about it, I just can’t help myself from wondering how lonely I’d be at the end of it all.

My parents are moving back to my hometown in April. That’d mean I wouldn’t be able to spend my holidays in Jakarta anymore, because I surely want to spend holidays with my family, and the rest of my family members – excluding my brother – are all there, in some city of Kalimantan. That’d also mean farewell to my junior high and high school pals who mostly go to college in Jakarta (well, or some miles away from it, Depok).

Acil is on his way to get to the college of his dream, which happens to be in Malaysia. I don’t know how I feel about it. I don’t feel anything sentimental, frankly. But it came to all of my senses that this is becoming a pattern of my exes. People are breaking up with me and suddenly, either by purpose or unintentionally, they disappeared, or simply going away to other cities.

Maybe my mother gave birth to me in one condition as a trade, I’d be able to have a life, but it’d come with no possible space for other people to be intimate, ever.

Who knows? This could be my own definition of ‘happily ever after’, couldn’t it?

- synta @ 2007-01-15 / 9:18 a.m.

:-?

I sensed flirtation.

- synta @ 2007-01-10 / 8:29 p.m.

it woke me up, anyway, from my deep sleep

Yesterday, my brother and his band were scheduled to be on the stage of my campus’ event’s opening event. We’d been there at 9-something a.m., doing some things and more random things. The checksound was arranged to be on 12 p.m., but then again, no one told that it would be sharply 12 p.m., so we had loads of extra minutes to fool around.

And then my brother started this silly game where we had to spin ourselves 10 times in the shape of ruku’ position and then run. The most hilarious parts were always when the players hit the crash landing. My brother played it like a moron, he didn’t even reach the first step of the run.

And then came my turn to play.

My brother was the one who did the spinning on me.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten…

RUN!

Wooow, the horizon was unusual, everything went… went… went…

And then I crashed the street, like, BANG!
Hard.
So-fuckin-hard.

So now I’m having my right side of head cutely accessorized with a blue-red mark. And my head’s shape became uniquely asymmetric.

- synta @ 2007-01-09 / 11:15 a.m.

still missing you

I had hours of freedom to surf the net with no charge at home, but it killed my motivation to create posts. And I was exaggerating the meaning of ‘first post in 2007’ way too far it made me scared to make another lousy post.

So now I’m writing this somewhere else not my house.

Yesterday was full of sickness. I was made sick by 3D theory final. In fact, it made me so sick that I had a bad bad – superbad – stomachache after it. And when I predicated it as ‘superbad’, I mean it. It was killing, suffocating. And my great will to avoid it and act as if I was having no problems with my body suddenly brought me near to the end of my capability to handle ‘sickness’.

Well, in short, last night I had a terrible stomachache. I think I was accidentally poisoned by overloading myself with peanuts. I know how stupid it must’ve sounded, but that really happened.

Anyway,

I hate public internet café, I hate public internet café, I hate public internet café, I hate public internet café.

Things that keeps popping into my dreams :