it is beyond my control

I finally signed myself up on deviantart. But I haven’t got enough self-confidence to put any of my doodles up, so it’s most probably gonna be left empty for some time ahead. Especially with the full consideration of the fact that many more talented people (than I am) don’t publish their artworks there either. Not that I’m aligning myself to be called as talented as they are (I guess we all know how krazee that sounds), but… well, me being realistic, that is.

Anyway, it was him who made me think about having a deviantart id last night. We were having our night phonecall (which has been much lessened these recent months) when he sounded as if he was stunned when he saw his friend’s dA. Yes, of course that made me jealous. I know I won’t be able to drag his jaw down by seeing my page for now (until some time ahead), but at least now I can freely drop some comments to those skillful artists’ artworks I’ve been watching for years. Err.. after I got the courage to do so, of course. You know, most skillful people impress me so much that they make me feel intimidated.

I have to make some progress for my studio assignment… *phew*

- synta @ 2008-02-28 / 9:43 p.m.

oh, really?

Go and try to change the most unimportant creature (yourself), go, try to improve your habits, leaving only the goods inside, delete any bad things you keep repeating, do anything. You’ll find that it is ‘the basic you’ that suits you the most.

Seriously, why do people bother themselves so much just to fit in something new? Why don’t they try to persuade the new thing to accept them? It’s all in the mind, so it actually is the mind (ours, in this case) that controls what people will think about you. Try to convince yourself that you can fit in, the rest will follow easily. Don’t, I repeat, don’t ever change for the sake of other people’s consideration.

Because basically…

”We are who we are. People don’t change” –Gwyneth Paltrow’s role in “Great Expectation”

I might sound so stiff, but hey, that’s me, the author of this blog, in case you forgot.

- synta @ 2008-02-27 / 8:47 p.m.

it starts to taste like glue

I need to know the reasonable number of times to ask ‘what should I do?’ before we actually take the action. Seriously, am I really that indecisive?

It’s all in the mind, it’s all in the mind.

Why do I keep promising things I knew I couldn’t keep? Question and asking about commitment make me abandoning the sense of being me, myself, watashi, aku. Not that I knew what it really is, though…

I need a new bag to carry my own dignity everywhere my feet feel like taking me to.

- synta @ 2008-02-16 / 10:29 a.m.

it's been duck-taped and re-arranged

Well if it’s not this moment, then I would never find any better condition to say that my best deal with determination is when I’m determined to not do anything.

So yes, it’s been a while. And if there’s any rumors in the air that I’ve, somewhat, changed—well, I can’t say ‘no’ to that. Nevertheless, it’s not that important to discuss. (and who the hell spoke about any discussions, Genius?)

The new semester just started, as we’d all been aware of. New semester means new targets and new self-motivation lines—which neither of them had been constantly kept until the end of my passed semesters. Once again, I’m best to determine myself to not do anything, and no, I’m not proud of that at all. But I’ve also learned that sometimes life spins way beyond our control. Which means we have to learn to compromise with every little things in ourselves—even the ‘I’m-not-proud-of-having-it’ things.

Anyway…

Least expectedly, I’d started updating my Multiply account regularly. I know, as tacky as it sounds, it’s been going on since I realized that most people I bump into almost everyday, have it. To name a few: Kak Pepi and her famous rockstar boyfriend, and even his band-mate (who is also a rockstar, of course). Not to mention my lab partner for this semester and his girlfriend who I envy. And don’t even think about mentioning my brother.

Ahh… isn’ it pathetic? Humans and their so-called social life.

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