i can be cruel, i don't know why
Wow. The last day of 2006. I guess everybody is now being around their fellows, waiting to count down the last seconds of this year. Me? Here, home, sipping my second cup of today’s coffee (most probably there’ll be the third, fourth, fifth, and so fuckin on).
I hardly can recall the last time I celebrated new year. Wow. That’s quite pathetic.
The thought of having a resolution for 2007 flashed on my mind few minutes ago. I was about to type down something useful like degrading the amount of daily consumed caffeine, stop being a ‘last minute’ person, and some others. But, uh, well, I’d never been good at keeping promises to myself. Maybe next year I can try promising a list of personal resolutions to someone close, like my brother or others.
Haha.
How bad did it sound? ’Promising a list of personal resolutions to someone close’.
I really should consider upgrading my level of sanity.
Am I living my life too randomly/unwell planned/flow dependant/undirected?
Anyway, this is what I promised on earlier post.
I hate it when guys paying too much attention to me just to ‘get’ me. You know, to make myself belong to them. I really do hate it. I much more appreciate guys who care for me as friends and no further leadings to sensitive feelings. I hate to keep rejecting or abandoning phone calls or text messages because I know that my replies or answers would be translated into any possible meanings subject to their personal will. When I answered, they’d be translating it as some signals and when I did not, they’d surely translate it as me playing ‘hard-to-get’. No possible space available for them to think that I want to be nice as friends. And, who knows, the final result of me, trying to be all nice and friendly (personally translated by them as signals of affection), would end to their conclusion that I want oh-so-bad to be their girlfriend, and then they’d make me their girlfriend and tell anyone in the world that I was the one who was desperate to be theirs.Damn, I always hate to post anything related to this subject.
- synta @ 2006-12-31 / 9:51 p.m.
you only want it 'coz it's over
Was ”Must Love Dogs” written in a fast-forwarded anti-climax plot or was it me being overly flat towards those overrated romance? Well, either way, I just didn’t find it entertaining.
And…
Can anyone put ”I want to stop making Synta hating more people each day” as one of their New Year’s resolution? That wouldn’t be so hard to be made true, all you got to do is having these points understood – deeply:
I hate it when people tried to have a chat with me when I was reading, even when it was only magazines. Same thing goes with when I was doing something urgent, like tightly dead-lined assignments or others similar.
I hate it when people commented on my physical appearance. Yes, I am fat and am not most people’s dream of ideal body shape, I’m all aware of all those facts so don’t bother to waste your time keeping me informed.
I hate it when people told me to do things I was about to do. That made my appetite for those things evaporated instantly.Some other points are about to be added up.
Not really a difficult thing to do, right?
Anyway, is that true that all computers in Asia are currently unable to be logged on to the net for this whole month because of Taiwan’s earthquake? That’s – um – how pity.
- synta @ 2006-12-30 / 10:04 a.m.
sunday morning, looking ugly
Seems like I won’t be coming to Jakarta for this New Year – just because.
Another ‘star’ stamped on me. Only if you personally got what I mean, because I won’t be able to tell the whole of it so blatantly.
And.. I got myself the most expensive haircut I’ve ever afforded in eighteen and a half years. I didn’t know what to say, and still don’t. I can only hope this wouldn’t seem so lousy that I’d totally ban the salon for such rip off.
This was the fresh-from-the-salon look
And this was how it looked when I just woke up this morning
Yes, I know. Helmet head, bowled head - name it. I’ve heard it all.
- synta @ 2006-12-24 / 9:08 a.m.
this yearm to safe me from tears, i'll give it to noone
Okay, the question marks that appear in this page are all bitches sent out from a special hell called Microsoft Word.
Ookay,
Yesterday I went out watching Deja Vu at BlitzMegaplex with some friends from Apres!. Not a bad movie and rather be considered as Final Destination's prequel - in my personal opinion. Don't bother, my personal opinions are all lousy, anyway.
As a result of having been doing marathon over Sex & the City's second season for days, I got confused choosing one character which has the closest personality to me. I can't possibly describe myself as Carrie for I absolutely not a smoker, neither as Charlotte for - although my occupational field is currently filled by so-called 'art & design' - I don't have such sweet personality and - clearly, unlike her - I do lots of swears. Samantha? Too bitchy. And I'm ot quite 'that' far for seriously taking the meaning of my single-ness. And I'm sure I'm not as alienated as Miranda is.
Well, I got some little parts from them mixed inside of me, maybe, or aren't we all?
And my most ambitional passion for now is being a pro in Dance Dance Revolution. Gyahaha.
- synta @ 2006-12-21 / 9:01 a.m.
if it's too much for you, try me
My brother and I had been really unconscious of our highly-caffeinated life until we realized that this month just reached the middle of it when the stock of our sachet-ed instant coffee ran out for the second time. No matter how we’d tried to avoid the emptiness of the stock by buying them in a large bag which contained of 50 sachets in the beginning of the month. I guess we weren’t exaggerating anything when we mentioned coffee as our digestion’s prime consumption instead of rice.
And no, I don’t even notice anything sullen on my sleeping habit. I’m still able to put myself to a deep peaceful sleep anytime I’m willing to have it, despite the fact that I just drank three or four cups of coffee two hours before. No sign of so called insomnia at all, thankfully.
Well, I guess that’s the whole point of it. When addiction attacks, the only thing that matter is whether you can still manage yourself to act normally, as if you’re not on any addictive habit, isn’t it?
And yesterday was full of struggling over my third session of due-for-today 2D’s assignment.
The first session of working overhardly on it was last week in studio.
It seemed fine and could be a lot better.
The second session was few days ago on my private working desk.
It seemed a little messed up, but still could be managed to be better.
And yesterday’s third session came up to be a true disaster.
Now I just truly loathe the work I’ve been doing all day yesterday. Seeing it always makes me feel like I just ate too much candy – it made me want to puke.
I’m having my first final ever in three hours. And unless it was unpredictable, no, I have no proper preparation at all. “Yay” for that, I believe.
- synta @ 2006-12-18 / 7:53 a.m.
stay or forever go
Don’t look to the left
Don’t look to the left
Don’t look to the left
I must’ve put the volume somewhat too loud for the rest of the party were all apologizing to my action.
- synta @ 2006-12-15 / 9:06 p.m.
NO, I'M FUCKIN NOT
Thanks.
Thanks for staying me awake for three hours – staring at nothing, imagining anything dreamy, meaningfully smiling - while I have this bloody assignment, which’s due is in the next few hours, smirking all over my out of situation act.
Now I know exactly why I have to totally ban this subject for some years ahead.
Although it truly did make me smile and overjoyed.
What am I talking about?
- synta @ 2006-12-12 / 3:38 a.m.
no, i'm not
It's late and I'm feeling so tired
Having trouble sleeping
This constant compromise
Between thinking and breathing Could it be I'm suffering
Because I'll never give in
Won't say that I'm falling in love
Tell me I don't see myself
Couldn't I blame something else
Don't say I'm falling in love
Some kind of therapy
Is all I need
Please believe me
Some instant remedy
That can cure me completely
Cause I've been there before
It's not enough
So nobody say it
Don't even say it
I got my eyes shut
Whoah, no
Whoah, no, no, no
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
Don't say that I'm falling in love
- synta @ 2006-12-12 / 12:35 a.m.
i am not good at not getting what i want
Almost 11 p.m.
Two assignments undone – untouched, for exact.
(thankfully they weren’t studio’s assignments)
Lack of fresh air, had to open the window. I hate opened windows.
Hungry.
I just realized this evening that I’m so goddamn fat.
And lack of motivation.
Wow. Wow. Wow.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
I gotta start working on the assignments.
Or not.
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
I’m nearly losing my sanity for being forced to do what I hate.
And those cups of coffee didn’t seem to help me at all. I need more.
More, more, more – I said more caffeine, fuckinplease!
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
Help.
- synta @ 2006-12-03 / 10:58 p.m.
autopilot-ed all night long
Great Power above the heaven,
Thanks for giving me the opportunity to have a peaceful weekend without having to pay too much useless attention towards Monday’s studio assignment. Hoho!
Happy birthday Sa’id (Tadya’s little brother)!
Things I’m currently falling for (with no particular orders, they’re all equal) :
brownies
Royksopp’s “The Understanding”
empty night sky
silence privacy
mind-orgasmBeautiful!
Things happened in the past recent days :
being nicely ‘kidnapped’ by two of the seniors on Thursday
having a great ‘night in’ with Tadya and the 2d’s assignment. That’d have been lovelier if we had the rest of the party joining us, though.I gotta buff some cubes, if, and only if, you know what I’m talking about.
- synta @ 2006-12-02 / 10:08 p.m.
